Good golly, I had a wonderful time as a test driver. This was my first little gig doing it and I not only wanna talk about how great of a job it was for me, but I also wanna talk about the cars, too. It’s really hard not to jump for joy and shout to the world, but since future employment likely depends on my tight lips, I’ll refrain.

The cars were truly amazing, though. I’ll be in the showroom a few years from now when the convertibles are supposed to release. Oh hell yeah. Sexy, sexy cars… Coulda been a little faster, but hey, would I be a sportscar girl if I said the car was plenty fast enough? What’re you, nuts?

That’d be hilarious, though…

Toolwench: “Y’know, I just really thought the car was too fast. I mean, I pressed the gas pedal and the car actually moved. Do you make one where the accelerator doesn’t do anything? Gosh, I just really hate fast cars. I enjoy pulling out into traffic and cutting people off because my car is so slow. That just really turns me on. And can it handle so poorly that I take the corners at 2 mph to avoid scraping door handles on curbs? Please? I mean, who would want a car that holds the road and gives me the ability to get out of the rest of the world’s way? Then I might have to learn how to drive or something. Can’t have that now can I? I’m far too slow and lazy for that.”

More like it: “Well, it was rated at 450 horsepower, but it just didn’t go anywhere when I slammed the pedal. I threw it into a corner and only barely broke the back end loose. I mean, come on, if it’s gonna be slow, at least make it feel like it’s got a lot of torque or something. Sheesh.”

The cars we drove…well, the lowest horsepower was 360 or 390–I’m getting the 6 and 9 mixed up and it’s not really that important anyway–and the highest was supposedly over 500. Quite a range, but at least I could consider them all my speed. The main differences were in the handling no matter whether I was in Sport mode or whatever the car called its non-Sport mode…and the weight of the vehicle.

Refined driving experiences are for people who don’t really appreciate driving. I’ll take my old 400hp ‘68 Mustang fastback over any of the cars I got to test drive, but that’s mostly because I want zero refining. I want a pure, completely raw driving experience without computer controls filtering anything out or resetting to …uh… compensate for my driving.

However, I gotta admit being able to talk to the cars to get them to do stuff was pretty darn nifty.  At one point in one of the cars, I felt like I needed a smoking jacket and a cigar. I was already sitting on a heated, fluffy chair with end tables under each elbow while watching a lame-ass drama about a drive through a few canyons while I told my butler which songs to play through the sound system and watched my progress on a separate video screen. I feel enlightened for having had that experience, however, I choose not to make that my everyday driving experience.

I wanna break it loose. I wanna fly through the canyons and I don’t care if my hands are too full to change the song on the player. Drive baby, drive!!!!

Okay, enough of talking about what I can’t really talk about… Suffice it to say that the important cars kicked major ass and the benchmarks were so-so. I wanna be on the list for when the awesome cars are available as convertibles. They ain’t cheap, though. I gotta start saving right now.

It was a somewhat secret project, but we were allowed to take pictures for personal use. The cars we drove were all production models without masking, too, so it’s not like they were uber secret with us driving them all day and into the night. I mean, a few people did talk to us at gas stations and lunch breaks, etc.

Hopefully, I won’t get in trouble for this, but here’s a cropped pic of the car I thought was so incredible that before this gig, I never would’ve imagined myself going into a dealership to check one out, but now I really want one. Ignore the dirt… This was many, many miles into the testing process.

Oh, so bitchin’. I can’t wait ’til next week when I get to do this again with a different batch of cars. Good golly, I’m such a driver, I get all tingly just thinkin’ about it!!!